well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
