It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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