how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Panties = found
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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