Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
