i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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