I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
