Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
