So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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