we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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