dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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