fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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