He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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