don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
two words...techno handjob
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
