So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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