The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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