Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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