i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
