how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
