Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I only lived at night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
