She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
