3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
