I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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