My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
