She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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