She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
