Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
