You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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