What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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