Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
