how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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