is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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