I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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