The maid of honor just puked.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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