why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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