you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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