I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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