we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
