no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The air taste purple.
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