you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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