bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We need to rekindle our bromance
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
