My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
