This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
