put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
