yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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