You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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