Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
