im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
