Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
