I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Alive.
So much puke
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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