guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
