Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
