I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
