I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They took my balls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
