If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
