"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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