Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
