I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
