my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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