Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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