"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
