Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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