my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
