I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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