Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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