when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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