I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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