I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
