seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.