Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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