I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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