I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.