The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
