dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.