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Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Randomize
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