Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?

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  (717): What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning? http://tfl.nu/h9gl
  Replies (35) Good night (726) Bad night (3247)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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  (719): I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate. http://tfl.nu/7wm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1116) Bad night (2887)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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  (701): I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America. http://tfl.nu/w2zj
  Replies (19) Good night (4287) Bad night (1285)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

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  (978): ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have http://tfl.nu/u3xa
  Replies (17) Good night (1160) Bad night (5948)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  pop tarts are not kleenex

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  (903): pop tarts are not kleenex http://tfl.nu/wjj4
  Replies (16) Good night (1029) Bad night (4672)
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  (716): View more from New York

  just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.

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  (716): just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars. http://tfl.nu/fh2v
  Replies (13) Good night (4400) Bad night (837)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

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  (250): Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs http://tfl.nu/msvp
  Replies (10) Good night (1051) Bad night (3500)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

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  (978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy
  Replies (46) Good night (6468) Bad night (2770)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
  Replies (9) Good night (3167) Bad night (1042)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch

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  (919): when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch http://tfl.nu/y99x
  Replies (20) Good night (1227) Bad night (3208)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.

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  (208): booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday. http://tfl.nu/jn9w
  Replies (4) Good night (2215) Bad night (628)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.

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  (850): Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time. http://tfl.nu/840u
  Replies (17) Good night (1910) Bad night (862)
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  (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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  (831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (234)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.

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  (630): I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila. http://tfl.nu/fzc9
  Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (499)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"

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  (469): The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party" http://tfl.nu/vn3r
  Replies (0) Good night (747) Bad night (199)

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