He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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