I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
