I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
