so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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