We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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