just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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