Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
