Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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